Commencement 2008
Graduate Student Speaker Ms. Patricia Stabler
To all of you who are parents in the audience, do you remember bringing home your first child from the hospital? Maybe you had the same thought as I did when that first child was born: why are they letting me take this helpless, fragile thing home?
Do they really think I know how to take care of this baby? If you were lucky, you had extended family members who eased those first weeks with helpful suggestions and advice. Or, you relied upon a call in service at your doctor’s office. After a few weeks, though, you were really on your own. Most of us felt prepared for the joyful or contented moments, when the baby slept on our chest or when he or she first laughed with us. As you know, however, raising children is not all sweetness and light. What do you do when your baby is waking you up all night long? How do you get her to sleep through the night? How do you balance the need to get to work on time and the needs of a toddler who lives in a different time reality and has to slowly, awkwardly pull on their socks themselves – or throw a screaming fit if you try to help - “I do it!” Do you call up the parents of the child who teased your son and made him cry and not want to go to school? You know what you want to say! And, what do you do when your child is a teenager and you feel an alien has moved into their body and you wonder how you went from the best Mom or Dad in the world to someone who is terribly uncool and doesn’t know anything?
Many of us faced these kinds of challenges with little or no training in child development or parenting techniques and skills, and often with few family or community supports. This lack of training and mentoring is amazing when you think raising a child is such a profound responsibility. For what other role in our lives do we get as little preparation or training?
Parenting is a learned skill. And, when you think about the future of the human race, there is no more important task. Yet, we routinely hand new parents their babies and send them home with very few tools, knowledge, skills or support. Bus drivers, project managers, teachers – all are trained to do their jobs. Parents, however, are not expected to take any courses, such as ones on child development, toilet training, feeding, positive approaches to discipline or how to build self-esteem. A long time ago, families lived close by or in extended family households where the previous generations would provide guidance and role models. Most families today are on their own, and many children are raised in single-parent households, which create even more challenges.
When my children were in high school, I begin to think about what I wanted to do next in my life. I have had a 24-year career in IT in financial services organizations, which has been rewarding both personally and monetarily. This work - my “day job” I call it - will probably be my bread and butter for a while, paying for college educations and for the privilege of living in a pleasant suburb of Boston.
However, I began thinking about a second career that I could do into my retirement. I was looking for something that was more flexible than my “day job” and, more importantly, something I could be passionate about. When I thought about what that might be, parenting came to the top of the list. At that time I had spent 18 years raising a daughter, 11 years participating in the raising of 2 stepchildren and 3 years parenting a foster child. Like many of you, the parents and grandparents in this audience, I poured my time, energy and caring into parenting those four children. Their successes are their own, but I imagine you feel the same satisfaction and pride in the role we had in helping them develop into promising young adults. Along the way, I had some help from parenting classes and a wonderful step-parenting support group. Looking back, I wish I had been able to benefit from much more instruction and support – particularly with the step-parenting challenges.
I came to Wheelock because of the Child and Family Studies program, Family Support and Parenting Education concentration, one of four such programs in the country. The program gave me a solid background in child and adult development, parenting, family systems, multicultural competency and an awareness of contemporary parenting issues. Then, it provided a wonderful opportunity to experience first hand some possibilities for parenting education roles. My two practicums and two independent studies helped me make connections, acquire some experience and determine the direction I wanted to take. One of my practicums was at Families First, a non-profit agency that runs parenting education workshops. From my experience there building curriculum and with my graduate work at Wheelock, I subsequently landed a part-time position as a parenting educator for Families First. I am greatly enjoying the parenting workshops I am leading for them.
Parenting effectively is more critical than ever, in these difficult times. Many families work several jobs in the struggle to make ends meet, which makes it hard to be the kind of parents they would like to be. Others are striving to learn English and create a better life and are often trying to cope with multicultural issues in the family. Children today are dealing with the threat or reality of community violence. The media pressures parents and children alike to consume beyond their means and tries to make them believe that buying things brings happiness. I certainly won’t claim that parenting education can fully address the structural problems of our society, nor can it heal all the pain and difficulties experienced by children.
However, when parents want the best for their children, regardless of their circumstances, and are given the tools to be better parents, society can and will reap the benefits. As a parenting educator, I hope to continue to connect with parents of all kinds and teach them that some basic skills can change their children’s lives for the better. I know that my classmates will also be affecting lives in important ways. Some of you will be working with children who are ill and helping them and their parents deal with often sad or difficult medical situations. Others will be working as social workers, promoting human rights and social and economic justice for us all. Many of you will be working with children of all ages, providing a model for others working with children to follow. Through these excellent programs and the wonderful professors and students we have met, Wheelock College has given all of us a tool box of knowledge and skills. Combined with our passion for this work, we hope to make a difference in our corners of the world - a small, but significant difference towards a better future for all of us.
